who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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