She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
