Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
