just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
