I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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