you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
