her vagine was all disorganized.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
