my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
