Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
