Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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