Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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