remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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