she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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