I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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