Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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