Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
