Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
