Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
