I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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