Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
