Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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