I can text with my tongue
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
