i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
