he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
