I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
