Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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