I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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