When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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