So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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