Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You did what with his pubic hair?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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