Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
