I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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