He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
