i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
