Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
