I need help removing her.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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