someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
