It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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