butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
