two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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