Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
