How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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