Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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