You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
