Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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