exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
