i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
