I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh god it's open bar.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
