Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
