two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
