It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
