YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize