So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
