My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
