It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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