So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Randomize
