I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
