I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
