If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
