Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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