I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
