I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
