Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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