That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
