strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
