I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
