You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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