Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just cut my nipple shaving
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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