you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
