I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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