I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
