Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
