Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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