i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
