it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
