I just made out with a guy for $7.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
