she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
MIDGETS
????
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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