i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
