chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I looked at my own cervix.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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