So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
