where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
