I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This house was built for laser tag.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize