I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
