ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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