when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
