Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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