we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
