So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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