no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
