I need help removing her.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
