I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
