Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
