I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
