I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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