Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
