My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize