ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
