I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
God, I missed his penis.
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