she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
