chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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