I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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