I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize