As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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