im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
