I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
