had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
