Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
