So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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