hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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